Humor

What to Do with a Bonus ?

by bigcajunman on June 12, 2013

A reader sent me an e-mail asking for my advice. After I checked to make sure this person didn’t mean to send it to a real financial blogger, I decided I should give my brand of “Southern Fried Advice”.

A Gibberish Tattoo from our Friends at Hanzismater

Here is a list of things you could use your bonus for, read afterwards for my comment competition:

Get a tattoo
Get a new car (because you deserve it)
Go on a fantastic vacation
Go to the Casino
Loan it to a relative

As you can see these will leave you with no money at the end, and various degrees of pain. How (where #1 would be the dumbest) should this list be ordered? (leave a comment or add other lame-brained ideas for this bonus)

OK, enough of me making up stuff that makes me laugh, what should you do with a bonus? It is found money, so you didn’t have any plans for it, so of course you should first, foremost, absolutely, completely, totally and emphatically pay off debt!

If this is “found” money, and you had no plans for it then you will not miss it when you pay down debt with it, won’t you? If you don’t get the bonus right away, that is when it gets hard, because that is when you start the rationalization about how you “deserve” something, trust me, you deserve to be out of debt more than any trinket, or vacation.

I still can’t get over someone asked me for advice, the world is becoming a very odd place.

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It’s up on the roof

by bigcajunman on May 30, 2013

Last week I made a reference to a friend that my chances of retiring were “up on the roof” which caused a quizzical and confused look from my friend.

What do I mean by “up on the roof” ? Well it is the punch line from one of my more favorite stories which goes something like:

Bob was on vacation and he called his brother Phil, who was supposed to be watching Bob’s house

Up on the Roof

and taking care of his cat. Bob asked how things were, and Phil told him the house was fine. Bob then asked how his cat was, to which Phil replied, “Your cat is dead”.

Bob was flabbergasted, he railed at his brother, “How can you be so nonchalant about something so terrible. You can’t just blurt out the cat is dead! That is just so cold!”.

Phil was a little confused and asked, “Well, how was I supposed to tell you?”

Bob said, “Well, you could ease into it, like on this call you could say, well the cat is missing and we can’t find it. Then the next time I called you could say you found the cat but he is up on the roof, and then when I finally called, you could say, the cat fell off the roof, but by then I’d be ready for bad news.”

Phil agreed that was a good idea, and he’d remember that. Bob then asked, “How is Mom?”

“Mom’s up on the roof.”, replied Phil..

So if you see me reference something as being financially “up on the roof”, that is what I am referring to.

Hopefully I won’t feel like I am “up on the roof” any time soon.

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Is That Really A Solution to the Problem?

by bigcajunman on May 15, 2013

This past week we purchased yet another replacement Bar B Q at the Big Cajun Chateau (we get a new one every 4 years or so (if anyone can give me a method to make them last longer, feel free to leave a comment)) and this new one is working quite nicely, however there is a problem that I have had with every propane Bar B Q that I have owned, and that is I never can figure out when my tank is empty and needs to be refilled (I find out when the bar b q goes out).

When Your Bar B Q is Full of Insulation from a Squirrel, Time To Get a New One

I have noticed that the tank seems to always run out about 10 minutes into cooking either chicken or pork, I am not sure how this happens, but it just does seem to happen that way. It has on occasion run out 2 minutes into cooking hamburgers as well, and in these situations we are stuck trying to finish cooking things that really do need to be cooked well.

I have come up with a fantastic solution to this problem, that should resolve this confounding problem. If I simply only cook steak on the Bar B Q I will never run out of propane, because I have yet to have a tank “give out” in the middle of cooking steaks.

In a non-related story, I have also noticed that my AmWex card doesn’t seem to ever have a very high balance however my MisterCarte seems to have high balances every month, so I am thinking of using my AmWex card more, so I have lower balances.

Anyone see the flaw in this logic?

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Where is My Money ?

by bigcajunman on May 9, 2013

For those who are Family Guy fans, one of my favorite scenes is a very violent bit of silliness where Brian the Dog borrows money from Baby Stewie (his protagonist in the show) and Stewie wants his money back. I won’t include a video, since I can’t find an official link anywhere, however, the phrase used is an excellent question that everyone should ask anyone who touches their finances:

“… where’s my money?…”

Stewie and Brian

You are asking yourself, this show is inane, crude and rude, how can it have great advice? Allow me to elaborate:

Say you go to your financial advisor and he (or she) only is sending you “invoices” or “reports” on their own forms, and you are starting to wonder what is going on? The question you should ask is, “Where is MY Money?“. You need to know where exactly your money is being invested, and proof that it is happening.
You gave your kids cash to go buy some groceries, and you know there should be change? The question you should ask is, “Where is MY Money?“, because you know they won’t give you the change unless you ask.
You loaned a family member money, and they keep avoiding you or worse, buy fake mustaches to disguise themselves? The question you should ask is, “Where is MY Money?” (if you can find them), since it is your money, and you should have it back.

It’s your money, you are allowed to ask , “Where is MY Money?”

Oh and have you heard?

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Numbers are the Enemy

by bigcajunman on May 2, 2013

NB: It behooves me to point out that this is a Sarcastic Rant by me, I in no way condone or agree with the concept of hiding data to make folks happy (or the Census limiting law, or limiting Stats Canada either), I have a Math degree, I love numbers!

Under the class of: You just can’t Make This Crap Up; we find in the U.S. a Republican Senator who believe that the U.S. Census is far too invasive and they want it changed. There is a segment of the U.S. population that seems to think that the Census is actually the Government attempting to start a dictatorship (evidently that is where Hitler started (and yes, that is my first Hitler reference this year)).

All Those Who Agree I have a Hat for You too!

Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-S.C.) is introducing a bill that will basically allow the Census bureau to ONLY count our U.S. cousins every 10 years, and that is about it. The Census Reform Act (please go read it), will only allow:

22 (3) may only conduct the decennial census of
23 population, as authorized under section 141 of title
24 13, United States Code.

This means that there will be no more collection of economic data like the GDP, or Unemployment. What might be seen as an astounding piece of short-sighted cost cutting, could end up being a brilliant maneuver If the public has no ability to tell whether there is unemployment or problems with the GDP it’s a great day EVERY day!

If Canada followed suit and shut down Stats Canada the same way, think how great the news would be. No more nasty news about Inflation or Unemployment, the Bank of Canada would keep interest rates at Zero (or lower), and everyone would seem to have a job (since we wouldn’t know otherwise).

The crazy thing is I’ll bet that a bunch of Politicians who might think this was a great idea. Either that or simply make Spreadsheets and Questionnaires illegal? Outlaw accountants? Any other ill-advised measures I am missing?

Luckily the Republicans are thinking about Stop Being the Stupid Party.

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