Fool Proof Market Timing System

Before implementing this ground breaking investing heuristic, please read the important offer at the end, before acting.

Many folks have asked me the best way to out-perform the market by predicting market momentum (i.e. Market Timing or finding market trends), to optimize even a couch potato portfolio, and I was blown away when I came across one of the best fundamental market analysis tools, designed for this exact task. You might be surprised to find out you already have heard of this tool, but not used for market trending. Astoundingly, I found that the best possible way to predict how the market trends is to use the tried and true methodology of Biorhythms.

Biorhythms are a scientifically proven method of seeing the trends, momentum, and rhythms of people and now large systems, and this mathematical tool has been used for decades as an excellent way to see the trends and cycles that rule our world. Some have said that the ancient Egyptians knew of  Biorhythms and the ancient Pharaohs had their Wisemen plot their cycles to maximize their productivity and decisions.

What I am suggesting is that this scientifically devised trend predicting heuristic can easily be expanded to Stock Market momentum and predicting trends, as well. Even if you are an Index investor, if you know the cycles of the Index, then you can time the purchases of your Index in a more natural and empathetic method.

How can biorhythms be used to predict Key Price Levels and avoid trade breakouts? The secret insiders methodology is much simpler than you might think. Let’s say we are talking about the TSE/TSX, we know that that it was founded on October 25, 1861 and if we plot the cycles from this date we end up with these two intriguing graphs:

TSE Biorhythms

TSE Biorhythms Part 1

As you can see right now would be an AWFUL time to buy the TSE Index as it is a Triple Low for Intellectual, Emotional and Physical, however if we look even closer:

TSE Biorhythm

TSE Biorhythm Part 2

Wisdom, Passion and Mastery are also almost a triple low as well, so it might be disastrous decision to buy right now.

If you follow the Biorhythms of your Index you may make more sound investing decisions.

Important Offer (** Spoiler Alert **)

OK, if you are still reading this and wondering if I have lost my mind, this is the Big Cajun Man pulling your leg.

This method is absolute Hokum and me making fun of all those Market Timing (pay me lots of money and I will show you) offers I keep receiving. Do Not Use This heuristic in any Financial Dealings in your life! This is an attempt at humor, and should not be followed as financial advice in any way, shape or form!

I was watching a Hill Street Blues episode and they started talking about Biorhythms (a big thing in the early 80′s) and I decided to take it to its next natural level.

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Financial Anarchy Day?

Hollywood’s latest retread of the idea of one day where everybody goes completely nuts and no laws apply is a happy little movie called The Purge: Anarchy (it’s been done a few times, by the Twilight Zone, Star Trek and other similar genre of movies), but when I saw that if I put on my Financial (rose-coloured) Glasses, I realize that we have many such days every year.

Financial Spending Time!!!

Financial Anarchy Let’s Buy it All!!!

What could I possibly mean? There are days every year where all financial rules seem to go the hell out of the window. What days could I possibly mean?

  • Black Friday (the one that is the Friday after American Thanksgiving)
  • Cyber Monday because Black Friday isn’t enough for this pre-Christmas orgy of spending
  • Christmas Sales (also known as December)
  • Boxing Day (the day after Christmas)
  • End of Year, I have extra money, better spend it (December 31st)
  • St. Swithin’s Day
  • Back to School (also known as the summer)

Yes the last few are  just me being my normal sarcastic self, but if stores, banks and credit card companies had their way, we’d have Financial Anarchy every day of the year.

What is needed in the Financial World are more days where the Financial Rules are followed. How about a Thrifty Tuesday every week? A fun Financial Friday, where we make sure all our bills are paid? Maybe make January 2nd and July 2nd Financial Planning Days?

 

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Comic-Con International and Financial Super Heroes

This weekend the biggest nerd fest this side of the Cern Super Collider takes place when Comic-Con International 2014 happens. I am a big enough nerd to know that this is only for poser nerds, but let’s delve into the world of comics and see what we might learn from various comic book characters.

Bruce Wayne, “The Bat Man™”, has taught us the importance of saving and getting filthy stinking rich, so that you can then avenge your parents death and any other crimes you wish to avenge in your spare time. It’s important to save, however, Mr. Wayne got his money from his parents’ trust funds, so maybe it is more a story of risk protecting your family so that your kids can then avenge your death?

Brit Reed, “Mr. Fantastic™” is actually the ultimate geek, in that he becomes super rich by his inventions and breakthroughs. Work hard and you might end up being able to stretch yourself around corners and such, and maybe imitate a Credit Card in a pinch?

Peter Parker, “Spiderman™”, has shown that sometimes dumb luck is the best way to get ahead. Wander around a lab and get bit by a radio-active spider (depending on the storyline you are following (there are like 6 different Spiderman universes)) and then never quite figure out how to make big money with your new-found talents and capabilities. Can anyone make a living as a photographer for a newspaper any more?

Matt Murdock “Daredevil™”, this is one of my favorite characters (read that story when I was in University), forget about the movie, the story line is again that of revenge, and shows that disabled folks can still become Crime-Fighting and Avenging forces in society. Another story where poor disabled kid, makes good, becomes a lawyer by day, and a Devil suit wearing crime fighting nut bag at night. Work hard kids, this is something you can aspire to.

All of those characters are Trademarked by either Marvel or DC Comics (FYI).

Come to think of it the world of Financial Writing has a few Superheroes of our own.

Super Hero

Financial Super Heroes to the Rescue

The Money Media Maven, who you see on every single media outlet simultaneously some days. By day, a normal guy, who has a job, I think, but he writes books, but by night you find him on the National, most local Toronto Radio shows and driving race cars.

The Voice of Money, another author who has a radio show in Toronto, and speaks the truth in common plane English. Rumor has it that when the microphones are off she has a more edgy side (which is hard to believe given how many Princesses she has told off over the years) . Her TV shows are in infinite loop on the “W” channel and various other media outlets.

Judge Financial, by day he is a normal High Tech Engineer, making sure your toaster is running the correct operating system, but by night he is a myth busting super hero. He makes sure that we all understand all the Rules involved in the financial world (and everywhere else in the world), and helps unsuspecting rule breakers get back on the straight and narrow (or ridicules their efforts to claim they are following the rules).

Mrs. Financial Transmographier, she is a mild-mannered Mom by day, but at night she writes about the importance of making things last, and how you really don’t need an $800 goose down coat, but you should buy a $3 HD antenna! She does have her saucy moments posting odd lingerie induced citrus photos on Twitter as well. Give this Superhero anything and she’ll tell you whether you should have bought it, and how (with a little work) you might be able to turn it into a thrifty Casserole.

Can you guess whom I might be writing about here? Leave a comment with your guesses, I will unmask these Financial Do-Gooders secret identities tomorrow.

Image courtesy of  Jeroen van Oostrom/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

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Don’t Wear a Financial Red Shirt

In Star Trek (the original series) a useful heuristic for characters was that anyone wearing a Red Shirt, was most likely to die that episode.

All great ideas started (and start) with Star Trek the original series (the newer series haven’t had time to look visionary yet), are there any Financial Red Shirt ideas out there? There are a few since the Red Shirt’ed crew men were usually sent out to look at new or unknown things, so some Financial Red Shirts might be:

  • New Robo-Investor funds, with exciting new heuristics and algorithms that will Beat the Market (really  this time it’s for sure).
  • Investing in exciting new technologies like Electric Car companies (heck even Tesla’s founder Elon Musk was sure he was going to lose all his investment when he started out).
  • Going to Vegas (or even Montreal) to win some money at the Casino using a great Can’t Lose system. The Casinos would like it if you wore a Red Shirt then, so you could be easily identified.
  • Take a bunch of cash advances on all of your credit cards to buy a condo in Toronto (or Vancouver) so you can flip it for a huge profit.

Remember the only Star Trek cast member who lived wearing a Red Shirt was Scotty.

Kind of a Mail It In Monday before a Tuesday holiday.

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Dad What Do You Want For Father’s Day ?

My Dad passed away a few years ago, and he was never really “on board” with the whole idea of folks fussing about him on a specific day. He did make my brothers and I do something about Father’s Day but only because he knew my Mother would have been upset (his favorite expression was always, “Don’t upset your mother”), and that is really what your Father wants, is for your Mother to be happy (don’t think I am breaking any masonic code with that truth).

If I was your Father what would I want from you? I think it’s pretty darn simple, it’s a short list of simple things you can do that will make your Dad and me happy:

  • Who the heck is that?

    I am still astounded that I am a Father

    Be better than us. Your Dad may be a hero to you, but your goal in life is to be better than him, that way Dads (as a species) keep getting better. You want to show your Father something, be better than him and that will make him happy (we are complicated beings, we Fathers).

  • Be happy. For God’s sake that is what your parents in general want, but Dads in specific. All Fathers want their family to be happy, because when they aren’t happy, we have to talk about things and discuss things (which detracts from our ability to snooze, watch sports and do things we want to do). Your Dad wants you to be happy.
  • Don’t eat the big piece of chicken. OK I stole that one from Chris Rock, but it’s true, if you are in your Father’s house, show some respect, let him have the big piece of chicken, and maybe thank him for what he has done for you (but don’t get all emotional or loud about it, your Dad is OK with, “Thanks Dad“, not some frigging singing card). Conversely your Father should show you respect in your house as well (yes respect is a two-way street).

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Your Father wants to know that whatever he taught you (by act, deed or statement), has prepared (or is preparing) you for life, because we don’t want you moving back in with us. Your parents do their best to help you out, but eventually they should be allowed to live their lives too (in most cases, but we will protect our kids who need protection, as well).

Bring your Dad a beer, say “Thanks Dad“, and make sure your Mother is happy and your Dad will be happy. Oh and for the  young ladies out there, tell your boyfriends/husbands to shut up during the football games, your Dad doesn’t really want to hear their opinions either (he just wants to watch the damn game).

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