Here is a parable/story from 2005 about a friend and how money spending can turn into a contest between he and his spouse. I don’t agree with this (and there is a part II to the story as well), but read on and see if you hear anything you and your spouse may have said to each other in the past (about spending).
It’s always fun to go out and talk with friends about life and things, but it seems more and more I am intrigued by the “financial fisticuffs” that goes on in some relationships (most relationships actually, but I digress).
I was talking to a friend, and he had mentioned to me that his wife was out-of-town with the kids and that because of that he was taking advantage and going out for lunch during the week. Now on the surface, that doesn’t sound too bad (these folks are doing well financially, so he is not creating any kind of hardship doing this, and it is not like he was saying, “I am dropping by the strip club every night”) but after I had a chance to think about it I had time to think that this kind of behavior is still perilous in a relationship (any kind, marriage, business, whatever).
This kind of secrecy is a slippery slope to take, especially with money (but in general as well). If you do something, which you know might upset your spouse or partner, so you don’t tell them about it while in many occasions is prudent, nobody likes to “argy bargy” about things, it may be a symptom of a larger problem.
Money is one of those things that can destroy all parts of any relationship. Normal rational humans can become completely unglued and do the strangest out of character things, all in the name of money, keeping it, or spending it (or worse still in reaction to what someone else is doing with money).
If you feel you have to hide how you are spending your money from your partner, you really must ask yourself “Why am I doing this?”. Maybe you need to talk to your partner frankly about this behavior, because you might be surprised to find out what your partner thinks.
We leave this posting for now, but I will continue it in a day or so with the next step in this kind of “monetary trickery”, and more to the story I am telling.