Bell Ringing Banks and Frank Costanza

One of my favourite Seinfeld episode (if I can have just one) is the episode where Frank Costanza (played by Jerry Stiller) starts a PC Sales company out of his garage, and every time someone made a sale (not George, but that Lloyd Braun!) they  rang a table bell, needless to say things get a little out of control and “SERENITY NOW!!!” (something I also yell a lot) was in great usage in that episode.

Why would I bring up such an obtuse TV reference, maybe I had nothing better to write (did I just hear a bell ring), or maybe it was because I was in my local TD Canada Trust branch and saw the following sign:

“… if you like the job we did ring our bell to show your satisfaction…”

(Or something like that). My wife dutifully rang the bell after visiting with the young teller she was at, but as I left, I rang the bell as well and pronounced loudly:

“That was for the banking machine it did a GREAT JOB as well!”

I just wish I’d yelled, SERENITY NOW! right after that .


Pay Day Loan Mortgages Revisited

Last summer I wrote about the idea of Pay Day Loan Mortgages and at the time I was quite critical of the idea, but after a while to reflect on this, it might end up being a sound financial concept for a specific group of consumers. I compared it to being a concept as ludicrous as a Sharknado, but after reflection maybe it serves as a needed service (and maybe we should watch out for Sharknados as well).

Clown Prince of Crime

One of my Pay Day Loan Mortgage Service Agents (Courtesy DC Comics)

If you need a house for about a 2 week period, you don’t want to have to tie up your capital and all that, just get yourself a quick Pay Day Loan Mortgage and then after you are done with the house, you give it back, and pay off your two weeks “service fee” on the Pay Day Mortgage.

Remember if this is a $300,000 house we wish to own for only two weeks, our estimated “service fee” of between $30,000 and $60,000 is a drop in the bucket compared to the enjoyment of home ownership for two whole weeks! Does it matter that your fees cost more than a new car? Of course not, because you got to enjoy living in a beautiful home for those two weeks.

Another great idea is if you already owned your house, getting a Pay Day Loan mortgage would be useful as well, say if your Daughter Wanted a “Kardashian™-like” Wedding Ceremony, and you were planning on winning the lottery, you could borrow the $500,000 you might need and then pay back the small service fees 2 weeks after the ceremony ( what is $575,000 if it makes your daughter happy and she gets what she wants?).

I note that none of the “main stream” Pay Day Loan sites have not picked up on this new service, so I may have to start-up the Big Cajun Man “I am Ripping You Off” Pay Day Loan Mortgage service (maybe just on-line).

Please note the date of the publishing of this less than humorous lampooning article (April 1st, 2014)

(April Fools!)



Financial Calculator Giveaway

What is better to celebrate Mardi Gras than a Giveaway???

When was the last time you used a calculator? Most likely you used one today, you might use the one on your computer, or in a spreadsheet or maybe you have one in a drawer at home and you needed to do a quick:

  • Metric to Imperial translation
  • Calculate the gestational age of your future child
  • Figure the Future Value of the $35 you are about to spend on your Caramel, Mocha, Vanilla Frappe
  • How many cubits in a furlong
  • Or the half-life of Strontium 90

Have I got a Contest for you!!

All you need to do is leave a comment answering the following “skill testing” question:

The last time I used a calculator to do a financial calculation was…..

If you leave a comment (with a valid e-mail address, of course), you could win this fabulous calculator (only one available)! Originality counts! Winners will be announced on March 14th!

Financial Calculator

You Could Win This Fabulous Calculator!
Sharp’s EL738F

What would you do with this calculator? Well the kind folks who sent me it gave me the following statement about it:

Tax season is approaching and many Canadians are no doubt dreading the deed. While the first three steps to get through the process of filing an income tax return are simple enough, the fourth one can be a doozy.

Step 1: Determine your Canadian residency status - CHECK!
Step 2: Obtain your Canadian T4 form - CHECK!
Step 3: Obtain the income tax forms - CHECK!
Step 4: Completing your fax forms…check?

Best be sure you have a trusty calculator on hand. Sharp’s EL738F financial calculator, along with a large cup o’ Joe, will help you weather the storm and get those taxes filed on time.  Offering general, financial, scientific and statistical calculations, you’ll get a clear answer on Sharp’s latest calculator. 

The El-738FC Financial Calculator is available for an MSRP of $49.99 at Staples Canada, Wal-Mart Canada, Grand & Toy, BuroPLUS, Club Express, Basics Office Products and other fine office products dealers across Canada.


The Financial Zen of Roger Sterling

Yes, my new favorite TV character is Roger Sterling® of Mad Men™ (interpreted and played by John Slattery), the writing for this character is astoundingly funny and at times poignant (but not often) and Mr. Slattery oozes a combination of charm and sleaze at the same time. What could a Narcissistic, Aloof, Somewhat Racist Madison Avenue Advertising Exec with a horrible Drinking and Smoking habit have to say about money (aside from the fact that he carries around over $400 cash (in the 1960′s when $400 is like $4000 now))? Not much but let’s see if we can match some of his finest commentary to money and issues financial.

“We know there’s a black spot on the X-ray - you don’t have to keep tapping your finger on it.”

I think Roger is actually making an accusatory comment at we financial bloggers, who always speak of gloom and doom, and maybe we should just keep that to ourselves, or better still give some  tangible advice on how to make things better.

Roger Sterling Modern Day Poet

Photo Courtesy Rolling Stone Magazine

“My mother always said, ‘Be careful what you wish for because you’ll get it. And then people get jealous and try and take it away from you.’”

Very true as well, more of a lament on the current Tax System in Canada, where once you get what you wished for, you are heavily taxed for having it, or in the case of your house, and how much other folks want it.

“I’m just acknowledging that life, unlike this analysis, will eventually end and somebody else will get the bill.”

Of course Roger is commenting about the importance of having your Will and Power of Attorney documentation in order because you never know when you might actually pass away.

“I bet there were people walking around in the Bible complaining about kids today.”

I believe the quotation “Jesus wept“, is actually Jesus commenting about how young folks today really don’t know enough about finances or money. Certainly it is a lament most financial bloggers have about the younger generation (and other folks in general).

“I have an announcement to make. It’s going to be a beautiful day.”

Remembering that this was after Roger had “dropped acid”, we’ll just assume that he is commenting about no matter how bad things get financially, they can always get better.

Yes, thanks to Netflix I have almost caught up to Season 6

TigerDirect (CA)

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Last Minute Financial Love Day Gifts

Given tomorrow is Love Day (aka St. Valentine’s Day ) I am sure you are rushing around trying to find that special someone the perfect Financial Gift of Love, so as the Financial Love Doctor let me pass on some hints to get your loved one’s financial heart a fluttering.

  • Nothing says love more than a dozen rosy red bills, deposited into your loved one’s RRSP, that means $600 to be enjoyed at retirement, and a sumptuous tax rebate for you or for them, I bet that got your blood pounding just thinking of that.
  • If you have children that you think are very important and you want to show your undying care for them what says it more than a dozen chocolate-brown bills in their RESP? If you put $1200 in your child’s RESP, then they will receive more love from the Government in the form of a CESG of $240, goodness is it getting warm in here?
  • Are you trying to impress someone or catch their eye? How about putting 2 dozen gorgeously green bills into your TFSA, and leave them the deposit slip, with a note attached saying, “In 10 years this could be worth double, TAX FREE”, see if that gets their attention.
  • What says love more than a stack of 50 Golden gleaming one dollar coins, and what better place to put them than in a loved one’s RDSP? That money may then double, just on that deposit, and that is for their future, and you really are showing your love there (no this one I am not being sarcastic on, you should do this).

All of these ideas are far better financially than spending $80 on roses and about $250 on a meal out with your loved one, however, will your loved one be as excited as the Financial Love Doctor is about them? Somehow, my guess might be, an emphatic NO!




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