Job Hunting Tips

in Employment Insurance, Humor, Job Hunting, Mistakes, Opinion

For those who have not been following me on the tweety you have been missing out on some helpful (if not sarcastic) job hunting tips that I learned throughout my job hunt a few years back.

I have been on both sides of the interview table, so I have interjected a lot of my own pet peeves to this list for candidates that I have met and wondered what they were thinking when they showed up to my job interview.

They are worth a read, and many of them are applicable to all jobs (and some are me being a smart ass). Some of the best Job Hunting Tips:

  • Tip 314: Always wear clean underwear to a job interview but never show them to your interviewer either
  • 319: Never answer any question in a job interview with “This bitch one time…”, unless you are a dog breeder
  • 271: Be Precise, e.g. “When I invented the Internet, I was working at…”, no one likes vagueness in job interviews
  • 666: Be complimentary with your interviewer: “That outfit doesn’t make you look nearly as fat as you are…”
  • 69: Hygiene is important, always shower before your interview, and cover all open sores and cuts
  • 13: If anyone asks you about your religious views, claim to be a Druid or a Sumarian Snakecharmer
  • 44: Humor has a place but don’t do the Uncle Buck mole bit if interviewer has one (don’t be a twiddler)
  • 313: One answer that always gets interviewer’s attention “Why the f*ck would you ask me that?”
  • 535: Scents make you memorable at an interview, but don’t eat bean burritos 2 hours beforehand, you are too memorable then
  • 345: Arguing with your interview about technical issues is OK, but MUST you be right
  • 478: The more the interviewer talks, the better you are doing, except if they are yelling about your lack of skills
  • 41: Tell someone you are using as a reference before you use them, “… who? That Idiot? I would never hire them!”, could be your reference.
  • 87: The only person you can “throw under the bus” in an interview is yourself, don’t blame others, explain why
  • 101: It’s good to seem to know a lot, but very bad to appear to be a Know-it-all keep that in mind
  • 311: Network more with people who have jobs, not as much with folks who are also looking for jobs
  • 444: Over 80% of jobs are found through “connections” and “contacts”, so get out and interact with folks!
  • 665: When interviewer asks “Any questions”, do not ask, “What are your sick leave rules like?”
  • 3: Think you are indispensable? You may be, until you are dispensed, start looking for jobs before you are dispensed.
  • 129: At the interview be sincere (once you can fake it, you are in)!
  • 37: Be agreeable but not a suck-up (unless that is what they want, then be one), be yourself once u have the job
  • 333: Don’t answer question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” with “Doing your job, or better your boss”

Foolproof Job Hunting Tips

Hope these help, stay tuned I do have some more coming.

{ 4 comments }

  • Sustainable PF August 3, 2011, 1:04 PM

    #314 – Caveat: Unless you are Sharon Stone.

    Reply
  • Bankruptcy Ben August 1, 2011, 7:29 PM

    whoa.. you can ask about someones religious views in an interview?

    Reply
  • krantcents August 1, 2011, 3:20 PM

    I like you questions so much I think I borrow them and use them the next time I interview! Good thing, I am in my last formal career. Funny stuff!

    Reply

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