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Snappy Answers to Financial Questions

As a young lad I enjoyed Mad Magazine and one of my favorite sections was the infamous, Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions (by Al Jaffee). The quick response to obvious questions always made me laugh (as did the small side cartoons from Sergio Aragones).

With this in mind, let’s try our hand at answering some obvious personal finance questions with some snappy witty retorts:

How do I get out of debt?
 Even though money doesn’t grow on trees, paper is from trees, so you just need to plant some trees and you’ll be fine

Are Credit Cards bad for my personal finances?
No Credit Cards are perfectly safe as long as you don’t aim it at your face and always keep them in their holster.
Remember, Credit Cards don’t cause debt, people do!

What’s wrong with Pay Day Loans?
Nothing that earning 3 times your next pay cheque can’t fix.

I just got a hot stock tip from a guy at the gym, should I act on it?
Sure, that’s how Warren Buffett made his fortune, isn’t it?

When will I pay off my credit card if I make the minimum payments?
I believe Donny Osmond answered that question, “The Twelfth of Never” or somewhere close to then.

Why are a fool and his or her money soon parted?
I have no idea, by the way, I am the wallet inspector can you just leave your wallet with me, I’ll get it back to you in a week.

Will I have enough money to retire?
Sure, do you enjoy low ash cat food, because if you don’t know this one, you’ll be lucky to be eating that at 65.

I owe the CRA back taxes, should I worry about it?
Not if you don’t mind beautiful lake front views in Kingston (no they don’t usually put Tax cheats in prison, but you never know).

Any other snappy answers to stupid financial questions I have missed?

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