Fool Proof Market Timing System

in Humor, Index Fund, Investments

Before implementing this ground breaking investing heuristic, please read the important offer at the end, before acting.

Many folks have asked me the best way to out-perform the market by predicting market momentum (i.e. Market Timing or finding market trends), to optimize even a couch potato portfolio, and I was blown away when I came across one of the best fundamental market analysis tools, designed for this exact task. You might be surprised to find out you already have heard of this tool, but not used for market trending. Astoundingly, I found that the best possible way to predict how the market trends is to use the tried and true methodology of Biorhythms.

Biorhythms are a scientifically proven method of seeing the trends, momentum, and rhythms of people and now large systems, and this mathematical tool has been used for decades as an excellent way to see the trends and cycles that rule our world. Some have said that the ancient Egyptians knew of  Biorhythms and the ancient Pharaohs had their Wisemen plot their cycles to maximize their productivity and decisions.

What I am suggesting is that this scientifically devised trend predicting heuristic can easily be expanded to Stock Market momentum and predicting trends, as well. Even if you are an Index investor, if you know the cycles of the Index, then you can time the purchases of your Index in a more natural and empathetic method.

How can biorhythms be used to predict Key Price Levels and avoid trade breakouts? The secret insiders methodology is much simpler than you might think. Let’s say we are talking about the TSE/TSX, we know that that it was founded on October 25, 1861 and if we plot the cycles from this date we end up with these two intriguing graphs:

TSE Biorhythms

TSE Biorhythms Part 1

As you can see right now would be an AWFUL time to buy the TSE Index as it is a Triple Low for Intellectual, Emotional and Physical, however if we look even closer:

TSE Biorhythm

TSE Biorhythm Part 2

Wisdom, Passion and Mastery are also almost a triple low as well, so it might be disastrous decision to buy right now.

If you follow the Biorhythms of your Index you may make more sound investing decisions.

Important Offer (** Spoiler Alert **)

OK, if you are still reading this and wondering if I have lost my mind, this is the Big Cajun Man pulling your leg.

This method is absolute Hokum and me making fun of all those Market Timing (pay me lots of money and I will show you) offers I keep receiving. Do Not Use This heuristic in any Financial Dealings in your life! This is an attempt at humor, and should not be followed as financial advice in any way, shape or form!

I was watching a Hill Street Blues episode and they started talking about Biorhythms (a big thing in the early 80’s) and I decided to take it to its next natural level.

Questrade Democratic Pricing - 1 cent per share, $4.95 min / $9.95 max

{ 8 comments }

{ 8 comments… add one }
  • Denis August 5, 2014, 2:32 AM

    But BCM I have been using this very method for decades! (grin) No not really! But it might have worked better than what I have used!

    Reply
    • bigcajunman August 5, 2014, 7:03 AM

      Well, after seeing there is an actual Horoscope Methodology, I plant my face in my hands…

      Reply
  • Edward July 30, 2014, 2:14 PM

    Holy God! You had me worried there for a second. However, the biorhythms do make just about as much sense as the people who believe they can see the future. You know the ones–“buy gold”, “equities are at their peak and will drop by year’s end”, “bonds will crash” (said 2 years ago), “biotech stocks are the future”. I like to answer with, “Oh, can I see your crystal ball and Ouija board?”

    Reply
    • bigcajunman July 30, 2014, 4:56 PM

      Or, as we have seen, you can consult your Horoscope! #WTF!

      Reply
  • Bet Crooks July 30, 2014, 10:22 AM

    Personally when I tried to manage my portfolio using biorhythms, I found my fixed income investments started ballooning and I kept getting strange spam mails from InvestorLine asking me to deposit pickles and ice cream.

    Reply
  • Bernie July 30, 2014, 9:11 AM

    Astrological investing does exist 🙂
    http://www.astrologicalinvesting.com/

    Reply
    • bigcajunman July 30, 2014, 9:14 AM

      OK,

      #WTF ?!?!?!

      Every time I think I have come up with the dumbest ideas possible, someone else tops it… wow….

      Reply

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