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Financial Punch Lines

So I have wondered what my readers hear (or have heard) in terms of financial punch lines in their lives? Throughout our financial lives we have heard many of these punch lines. Closing lines if you are talking to a salesperson.

Yes, I have talked about Financial One Liners before, but this is more specific, that “closing line” the financial “person” used when you concluded your transaction.

Financial Punch Lines
Take his wife… please! Henny Youngman the King of the 1 Liners, from Wikimedia

Would you like a great example?

“I am sure this will help your family’s financial security”

Is one that I have heard from a Mutual Fund Sales Guy but also from the first major mistake I made, which was buying whole life insurance when I first graduated from University (I abandoned the plan after a year and bought 10 year terms ever since).

“You have made an important decision which will help you and your family’s future”

Again, a mutual fund sales person used this one on me too, I dumped those Mutual Funds after 4 years of 1.1% growth (during the 90’s).

 “I am psyched to have a new client, and we are going to do great things together”

A financial planner/insurance/mutual funds sales dude who was positive he had me “on the hook” and was going to get me to sign up for his program, that was not the case. We met this guy at an “investment fair” in Ottawa (where I almost invested in a brewery that went bankrupt (one of the reasons I remember this)).

What other financial punch lines, or closing statements have you heard, that you have lived to regret in your life??

Feel Free to Comment

  1. I think life insurance salesmen are the best: “Don’t you want your kids to be able to pursue their dreams if you die?” Why no – no I don’t want them to pursue their dreams – said no one ever!

  2. And there’s the rub. You’d be surprised at what works out there. That’s why you’ll hear these absurdities – because there’s enough people who will buy into it. People that talk this stuff actually make sales.

    I lose the odd client/case because of this stuff. Some folks even know they’re being lied to, they just happen to like the sound of the lie better than the cold truth they got from me.

    The good news is, there’s the opposite end of the spectrum, folks who are specifically seeking straight up advice and not sales talk. There’s enough of those out there that I don’t have to worry about the other half of the business. And I get some clients who’ve had rough treatment and go shopping, and then like what I have to say.

    I just bought a new truck from a sales rep. Never mind that I now have the most bad-assed truck in the neighbourhood (you wish you had my truck!) but I had to go 500k to get a salesperson that didn’t pull this sales crap on me. (thanks Charlene at 🙂 ).

    1. I am cynical enough to believe it does actually work, since the human brain is a complex machine and sometimes does the weirdest things (like write financial blogs too)

  3. “You’re not the kind of b***d that would die and leave his wife and kids without any money, are you?”

    Another insurance broker told me he used this, expletive and all. I’ve heard a lot of sales tactics in my years, but I think that’s the biggest club I’ve ever heard.

    Now here’s the real punchline. He said that using that line actually worked.

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