In hopes of helping other parents who might be having issues about how to spend their hard-earned pay on their children, sometimes myself and Mrs. C8j offer useful parenting tips, and this week we give you a solution to the following prickly solution:

Your daughter/princess wants to go to the University of OH MY GOD IT COSTS A FORTUNE, and she also wishes to have a Wedding out of a fairy tale (i.e. something well over $50K in costs).

I can already hear some of you answering, “Oh my God BCM, I am having that exact same problem, how can we resolve this issue?“. If you can afford this, then you need not read any further.

In our case we are attempting to create a creative compromise for this problem. We believe that education is very important and we have attempted to save (as best we can) for our children’s post secondary education, and we will try our best to have our children graduate with no debt load (that has to do with their University Education). I know some of my regular readers believe this is a mistake, but in our opinion it is important.

As for the fairy tale wedding, I have pointed out to my children that Mrs. C8j and I are of modest means and that if they ask for any moneys towards their wedding, I have a simple rule in place:

  • If I put any money into a wedding, I as HOST then have the rights to: invite who(m)ever I wish to this event, I can drink as much as I like, and I can say whatever I want (and I have many incriminating pictures available for the “Father of the Bride” speech).
  • If I don’t pay for a wedding, I am then only a guest, and I must abide by the rules put forward by the hosts of the party, and I will (to the best of my abilities), be my regular cordial self, I will (attempt) to not drink to excess and will have a short and not excessively embarrassing “Father of the Bride” speech.
My children are fully cognizant of my abilities to embarrass them without even trying, hopefully they will cringe when they think about what I might do if I was trying (hard) to embarrass them.

I think this is a very simple solution to the problem, but I already know that some of my readers will actually say, “Don’t pay for either”, but I am interested to hear your opinions none the less. Maybe I should ask Gail Vaz-Oxlade what she thinks of this?

{ 5 comments }

{ 5 comments… add one }

  • Sandy March 28, 2012, 8:48 AM

    We paid the tuition for both our kids to go through university in this, their home town of Ottawa where there are not 1, not 2 but 3 universities worthy of attending.. They paid for books and other minor expenses like food and when my daughter chose to move out of the house to live nearer to OttawaU she worked and paid her rent too. Both kids left debt free–one to a great paying job the other also in a great job but low paying. Can we all have a collective cheer for Air Canada so he stays employed!

    Over a year ago the older daughter announced she was getting married. They purchased their first house at the same time. I had always said to do a wedding on the cheap. Well weddings aren’t the same as when I was married over 30 years ago. So we are contributing because we can. Paying about half–1/3 from my hubby and I, 1/3 from each set of the grandparents small inheritance–all are dead–saving us 4 meals at the wedding :-). The other half of the wedding is funded by the lucky in love couple. It’s what they can afford that decides how extravagant the wedding will be. And it isn’t even close to your $50,000 extreme-aganza which is really a money grab when you invite over 200 people. Really. Can you actually count that many “close” friends and family?

    As to what she can expect from the FOB. Well MOB will keep him from drinking too much, being too obnoxious in his wedding speech (including photos) and also saying he cannot invite any long lost loser friends who have never been a part of our kids lives. So there you have it. He will get to walk her down the aisle as I watch from the front. And I know he will cry. Both sets of parents will give our kids away–maybe with a high five or two. Then the party begins with family and friends who have been part of all our lives.

    Reply
  • David Scrimshaw March 28, 2012, 8:48 AM

    Have you given your daughter reason to believe that you are capable of being a huge jerk who is willing to embarrass himself in front of all his friends and relatives to make a point?

    Because if you haven’t, she may be willing to ask you to fund the wedding and take her chances that when the big day came, you’ll be your normal good-natured self.

    Reply
    • bigcajunman March 28, 2012, 9:27 AM

      I believe I was quite clear that acting like a Jerk in front of my friends is the least I can do for my kids. Embarrassment is a luxury I gave up long ago.

      Reply
  • Michael James March 28, 2012, 8:19 AM

    A wedding may be expensive, but feeding your new son-in-law after he and your daughter move back in with you will cost money too.

    Reply

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