Sarcastic Financial New Year Resolutions

With a new year beginning the topic of resolutions on the financial side of things are inevitable (unless you are filthy stinking rich), so I will be touching on this subject a few times in the next week or so.

Some of my compatriots on-line have posted their resolutions, and I applaud their efforts, and with this in mind, I will post some honest personal finance resolutions for 2013, which may or may not have anything to do with me.

The Honest Financial Resolution List

My Kind of Card

  1. Control the money supply and stop impulse spending, unless of course there is a big sale on at the local electronics store, or there is a great Boxing Quarter sale where you can get a 80″ TV on 6 month payment terms, who could say no to that?
  2. Save more money, by setting up automatic withdrawals from pay cheques. Of course since it will go to an Emergency Fund if it is really needed for say: a nice vacation, the money might be used for that, because stress is a bad thing, isn’t it?
  3. Pay off car loans or finish with the car lease, but then again, if a dealership is offering to pay off all car loans if you buy a new car, then that is about the exact same thing isn’t it?
  4. Join a gym, because your health is an important part of your financial well-being. It’s important to look good at the gym, so buy some nice clothes for the gym. Canceling the membership won’t be possible  (in April), because you signed up for a two-year contract, but you might go back in a few months so nothing to worry about, right?
  5. Lower your home costs and bills by using your cell phone less, and only going with basic cable, but, sometimes you really have to watch a movie on your Super Phone while your spouse is shopping and is taking too damn long! It’s OK to watch the occasional pay per view money because you are saving so much with basic cable (and who the hell can stand only having basic cable any how), that’s only fair, correct?
  6. Eat out less because that is a big expense. It is of course OK to go out on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, those days when you didn’t get home until late, days when you are just too damn tired to cook or days where dammit you deserve to treat yourself, again it isn’t that expensive, right?
  7. Cut down on expensive coffee like drinks, and drink the free coffee at work, until you get sick of that stuff (because it really is made with pencil shavings) and treat yourself every once in a while on a good coffee (say once or twice a day tops), not a big thing, right?
  8. Use credit cards less, because that is what got you in trouble last year, except that you did get all those great Airmiles or PC Points, so you were able to buy some groceries with that, and that was kind of free?
  9. Cut down on banking expenses like charges for using white ATM machines, but sometimes you are at a bar, and there isn’t an ATM for your bank nearby and you do need to pay for the next round, so that might not be too bad, after all it’s only $1.50?
  10. Be transparent about money with my spouse, except when I go out with my buddies, and she gets mad about how we are only going to ogle the waitresses at Moxy’s, so it might be better just not to mention those outings, or when we go to the lunch time ballet, it would only upset her, so that’s just being a good husband?
  11. Keep close track of money by using Quicken or Excel to track all of the spending. Now sometimes it’s hard to get receipts (especially at the ballet) and you know, you get busy and after two weeks you don’t really want to look because you are afraid how bad things might be, so it might be better for your stress levels just to ignore it completely?

Read anything here that you can honestly say has nothing to do with you? If so, take a Sainthood out of petty cash.

{ 5 comments }

{ 5 comments… add one }

  • Denis January 10, 2013, 7:24 AM

    Way too accurate… I think someone has been opening my mail and reading my statements! lol

    Except for the ballet. Haven’t been to the ballet in years. Or the gym. Being a student, I have a ton of homework, and keeping up with that as a 51 year old is tougher than I remember than when I was 20. So, no time for the gym membership.

    I do collect my receipts and fill in my spreadsheet though…

    Thanks for the good reminder!

    Reply
  • Jeremy Norton January 9, 2013, 7:41 PM

    Wow! A very great list you have their. Some of the items on that list is on my list. Great post!

    Reply
  • savvysavingbytes January 9, 2013, 1:31 PM

    Such a refreshing change from so many earnest, copycat New Year Resolutions. AND on target I might add.

    Reply
  • Michael James January 9, 2013, 10:18 AM

    Nice list. I think you hit a lot of people, me included, with at least one of those. To me this brings home the point even more that resolutions with numbers to track them are destined to fail.

    Reply
    • bigcajunman January 9, 2013, 12:19 PM

      I think you meant to say that is Reason (1): That numbered resolutions are doomed to fail!

      Reply

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