Financial Balance Band


In search of the best way to keep my finances in good order I am always looking for things that will help me keep up to date, and maybe get ahead, and this is where I found the Financial Balance Band. This ingenious new invention which is made from rare earth minerals and the ashes of J. Paul Getty has helped me keep my finances in perfect working order and I now feel like I am on my way to financial equilibrium.

The Financial Balance Band emits financial frequencies and rhythms that help keep your budgeting chi aligned and will keep you on track with your personal finance plans.

The Financial Balance Band has been scientifically tested by the BCM Institute of Bovine Feces, using the latest techniques in spending control (remember these are the same people that brought you the the Financial Shock Collar).

Mighty Fine Looking Handcuffs

Prototype for Financial Balance Bands

As a test I sent my wife into a store without saying anything and not wearing her Financial Balance Band, she came out and she had spent almost $100! I then berated her publicly about being so loose with our money. I made a complete spectacle of myself, shrieking, stomping and yelling. Then  I gave my wife a Financial Balance Band which she put on and she went back into the store, and you know what happened? She came out of the store, and had not spent 1 cent! Her spending was back in balance because of the financial rhythms and harmonics of the Financial Balance Band.

I hear you nay sayers, asking, how could that be? She had just spent $100 and now she isn’t spending anything, but that is the power of the Financial Power Band, to control your spending habits! After putting this wrist band on, your financial frequencies are aligned and you no longer wish to spend.

With these Financial Balance Band your Finance Chi will align with your core budgeting muscles thus leaving your monetary rhythms resonating at the perfect economic harmony.

Disclaimer

If you believe this one, you really need some professional help. I put these brand of new age products down to the same level as the troll dolls that bingo players bring to their games for good luck, in fact, troll dolls are cheap and cute, so maybe they are even better than these products.

If you want financial balance, get rid of your debts, live within your means, and you will feel balance.

 

{ 2 comments }

{ 2 comments… add one }

  • Jason April 30, 2014, 12:06 AM

    Haha! Too funny. Love the disclaimer!

    Reply
  • krantcents September 1, 2011, 10:32 AM

    You almost foled me until you said you publicly berated her. If a “band” were the solution, you could make a fortune selling them.

    Reply

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